I always find myself lost into the world of daydreams: I wonder what my first job would be when I graduate from college. I picture myself entering the corporate world, the busy schedule of the people who write and organize events of big companies, things like that. I dream big, so big that from time to time I talk to God asking for assurance that there’s nothing wrong with that.
When I look at my life right now, I can’t stop but dream. I dream of having a big room with walk-in closet, shoes piled up and organized, clothes hanged beautifully around. There’s another room inside my big room and I want to call it my “reading room”. An enormous shelf is conspicuous with its numerous books arranged in different genres. I’ve been at friends’ rooms that are almost similar to what I picture and all I mutter upon leaving those rooms is the word “someday” with an expectant smile.
I dream of driving my own car around the city, stopping over at a fancy restaurant and being able to buy the food I want to bring to my family as “pasalubong”. I want to buy my nephews and nieces the toys they want. I want to give mom the imported chocolates that are too expensive at the moment. I don’t know if that’s being selfish but I just find myself having these desires for things I haven’t experienced in my life that others my age have: not having to do all chores that a helper ought to do, not worrying about the things that parents should be the one worrying about, not restricting the self to spend on cravings just because I have to save for my tuition fee next semester. I don’t want to compare my life to others’ because I know full well that God has unique great plans for each one of us but from time to time I just wonder what if I have both my parents to support me— financially and emotionally--, what would my life be like?
I know there are millions of others in this world whose life's stories are far worse than mine. There are those who cannot even eat 3 meals a day, those who walk miles just to get to and fro school, those who shove plastic bottles and recyclable wastes in the garbage bags that rest on every corner of streets and those who have to grow up without the presence of a mother and a father. I appreciate all I have when I think of them and it gets me into this longing to be able to extend a hand to them especially when I already have a stable job and the means to provide.
As a matter of fact, all I have experienced and all I have now contribute to how strong I am and to what perspective I have. If I have not gone through the many complexities of life, would I have this deep and intense desire to establish this image of my “dream” family someday? Yes, as early as now I think of my future husband and kids. I want to be a great wife to my husband, becoming all I’m intended to be with God’s guidance and not letting separation come our way. I want to be the greatest mom in the world, providing my kids a life enveloped with the genuine love and affection of a family as a whole.
Don’t think I’m bitter for whatever I have now. No. Way no. I love my family despite of the questions I once asked God. They are my treasures. I’m rather thankful for everything I have because if it weren’t for the obstacles I faced, I wouldn’t be where I am now. Nothing can detach me from the principle that “everything has a purpose and happens for a reason”. Hence, I want to pursue excellence and chase success. With that thought planted in my mind, I am motivated to work hard and not settle for mediocrity.
Now as I write, I’ve come to this realization how a blessing it is to grow without a helper—I can wash clothes and dishes and cook (still learning and long way to go though) , to be given responsibilities earlier than usual—lots of friends come to me when it comes to decision-making and the like, to not getting the things I want easily—I’m tested with patience and I’m taught with prioritizing needs over wants. I really thank God for these life’s lessons!
When the time comes that I’m on the brink of prosperity and success, I want to always remind myself not to invest on temporary things but rather on treasures in heaven--where moth and rust do not destroy. I also do not want to forget how riding on jeepneys and walking when needed taught me to be patient and to always level myself equally with every human being, how the absence of a father ignited that spark of hope and assurance that my kids would grow up with a father’s presence and with the overflowing love of their mother and how all my dreams coming true traces its roots back to God who has been faithful in my life and who has looked at me with worth both when I am lacking and when I am achieving.
