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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

When love brings two different people together...

Sarah

Andy and I have been together for 6 years. Earlier today, I decided that we need space. We would isolate ourselves in silence for one week and listen completely to God’s voice and what He wants to tell us with regards to our relationship. It’s not like I’m planning to break up or whatsoever. It’s just that we have had too many arguments for the past week and we both need to clear our minds off of all perplexities. And the best advice we could get is from the One who is the center of this relationship.

I know men and women are different and I’ve been aware of our differences for that long stretch of time but lately I’ve just been feeling exhausted because no matter how we try to understand each other, it seems that we just can’t.

Last Friday night, I asked him to accompany me to do a quick shopping spree. I needed a dress for a school event on Valentine’s Day. We agreed to meet at a coffee shop near my school. 6pm sharp. I was there earlier and so I grabbed a magazine from the counter and decided to browse through the pages to kill time. I read and read. The moment I checked my watch, it was 6:15. I texted him and asked if he was already near—he knew how I am a stickler when it comes to time and I just hate waiting alone.

I could feel my blood starting to boil when the clock told me it was 5 minutes before 7. I couldn’t contact his phone and he wasn’t replying to my messages. I was about to leave the coffee shop when he came bursting through the glass doors. He explained himself to me and eventually, I got a little calmer. We then proceeded to do the shopping.

I raised two dresses with both hands up in the air when I asked him what’s better between the two. He just stared at me and back at the dresses for 5 long seconds and said “They’re the same. They both look beautiful.” Ugh! Why couldn’t he be specific? I got even more irritated when he went to the store’s couch and sat down.

The other day he asked me what I wanted for dinner and I just said “anything” because that was really the truth. I mean, what matters to me is that we eat together so at that time I couldn’t think of anything else. I asked him if he had anything in mind and his sudden change of expression told me he was kind of annoyed because I was supposed to answer the question.

Last night I was just really down because I remembered the days when our relationship had just started. There was that brilliant spark between us that overcome our misunderstandings back then. I miss the times when we wouldn’t even mind our small arguments because we were SO in love. I miss the times when he was never late in our dates. I especially miss the times when he was courting me. I don’t like the changes that occurred. But I’ve known, I’ve known deep within that there will really be times when we’d feel nothing at all for each other. That phase in a relationship when the feelings just seem to have gone into a far, far away place.

After these thoughts had bombarded my mind, I found myself searching for my Letter Box where all his letters to me were kept. The first thing that caught my eye was his very neat handwriting:

Sarah, We will hold on to this when things are falling out of place. I love you and I always will.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

-1 Corinthians 13:4-7

ANDY

Sarah and I have been together for six years. We have been through many ups and downs and we have been strong all along. Just earlier today, I couldn’t understand why she told me that we needed space until she opened up that she feels we need to listen closely to what God is saying. Perhaps this is another phase that will make us stronger.

Yes, we are different in myriads of ways. But that doesn’t matter to me. What hurts me is the idea that she may be tired of me or I’ve had too many shortcomings. But I dispel the thought away because I know what we have is deeper than that. Right now I want to look closely to what has happened lately that caused that gap between us.

Last Friday night, she asked me to accompany her to do a quick shopping spree. I was eager because I felt we had a lot of catching up to do since we’ve been very busy lately. We agreed to meet at a coffee shop near her school. 6pm sharp. I was ready before the clock even hit number 5. But something happened that caused my delay. I was washing my hands at the kitchen sink when the faucet broke, pouring floods of water over me, and soaking my clothes and the phone inside my pocket. I had to fix the waterline and I couldn’t tell Sarah because my phone went completely dead. To make matters worse, I was alone in our house at the time.

I made it to the coffee shop a little before 7pm. I saw Sarah impatiently leave her seat and walk towards the door. I ran up to her and apologized, laying down all the details of what had just happened. She seemed to feel better after that.

I thought everything’s perfectly fine as we went on shopping until she was disappointed once more. She asked my opinion as to what I thought is better between two dresses. I eagerly imagined each dress on her and I saw how beautiful she’d look. She amazed me with her graceful movements as she held the dresses up in the air. I muttered a “They’re the same; they both look beautiful,” because I had no second thought that both dresses would look as lovely on her. What happened next was something I didn’t expect. She pulled a long face and turned her back on me, diverting her attention to other dresses. I didn’t know what I did wrong or if I said anything that was offensive. I just went to the store’s couch and sat there.

The other day, I asked her what she wanted for dinner because I really wanted to bring her food that she really wanted. She just said “anything” and I don’t like the idea that I was clueless. I was afraid I’d bring her something that she doesn’t like. She then asked me what I wanted and it just didn’t seem right. I am the guy and I want her to let me lead the relationship and pursue her even in small ways.

Sometimes things between us get blurred. But no matter what happens, my love for her never changes. It’s not seasonal. And when I decided that she’d be the only girl in my life six years ago, it never altered. There were occasions when I might glance at other girls but that ends there. No matter how many girls are before my eyes, she’s different from them all. I have been faithful to the apple of my eye: Sarah. I admit that I’m somehow upset with all that’s happened lately but my love for her overpowers it all. And I go back to the definition of love that we’ve been holding on:

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Nang Mahanap Ko ang Pag-ibig

(Para sa mga single at may boyfriend na naghahanap pa rin ng pagmamahal na magkukumpleto sa kanila. Bear with me dahil first time kong magsulat in Filipino, though I decided to use Taglish and terms found in Pinoy conversations accessible to readers of any age :D )

Pagbati sa’yo mambabasa! Ako si Julia. Kasalukuyan akong nasa isang beach resort, retreat namin sa kolehiyo. Tuwing masasaglit ako sa karagatan, ugali ko na ang magsulat sa isang puting papel at ilagay ito sa bote na dadalhin ng hampas ng mga alon. Hindi ko alam kung ilang tao ang makakabasa nito, ang iba siguro’y hindi magkakainteres at hahayaan lang itong sumabay sa pagtilapon ng tubig, ang iba’y babalutan ng curiosity at handa na igugol ang oras sa pagbabasa. Alinman sa dalawa, sigurado akong hindi aksidenteng hawak mo ngayon ang puting papel na ito.

Gusto ko lang naman ikwento ang bagay na matagal kong hinalughog sa buhay ko. Pitong letrang hinanapan ko ng deskripsyon kung saan-saan. Pitong letrang nagpangiti at nagpaiyak sa aking damdamin na kung tawagin ng mga kaibigan ko’y fragile at sensitive: P.A.G.-I.B.I.G.

“Ano ang pag-ibig?” yan ang tanong ko sa sarili mula 5 years old ako. First time ko sa eskwelahan bilang kindergarten at tinabi ako ng titser ko sa pinakacute kong klasmeyt. Nang mga oras na ‘yun, wala pa akong kamalayan sa salitang pag-ibig pero ang alam ko’y masaya kong ibinahagi ang baon kong hotdog at rice kay Jed at madalas ko siyang asarin. Sa playground ay hahayaan kong mauna siya sa slide kahit na nasa harap ako ng pila. Pag-ibig na ba ang tawag dun? Ewan ko. Ang huli kong naaalala ay lumipat siya sa mas mamahaling school at hindi ko na siya nakitang muli.

Pagtungtong ko ng elementary, namangha na naman ako sa isa kong klasmeyt. Si Froilan ang una kong napansin nung 1^st day of school. Buhat noon ay siya na ang laman ng isip ko; ilang beses akong napagalitan sa klase dahil nahuli ako ni Ms. Garcia na naglalaro ng FLAMES (friend, love, anger, marriage, enemy at sweetheart) sa kwaderno imbes na magsulat ng mga aralin. Punong puno ng pangalan ni Froilan ang pink notebook kong may mukha ni Hello Kitty sa harap. “Crush ang tawag diyan,” ang sabi ni Inay. Crush lang ba talaga yung iiyak ka kapag nalaman mong pupunta siya sa ibang bansa at hindi na babalik? Magma-migrate na raw kasi silang mag-anak sa States. Ayun, naglaho nalang ng parang bula si Froilan bago kami mag Grade 6. Parang si Jed. Lungkot na lungkot ako nun kaya mas naging curious ako sa love.

Kumbinsido na ako na nahanap ko na ang love pagdating ng highschool. First boyfriend ko si Lester. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na siya na ang mapapang-asawa mo? Laging tumatalon ang puso ko tuwing nakikita ko siya. Basta iba ‘to, ibang iba sa naramdaman ko kina Jed at Froilan. Perfect na ang lahat, araw araw niya akong pinapakilig sa mga matatamis niyang salita. Pupungayan ko ang mga mata ko tuwing kausap siya. Ngunit ang pagpungay ng mga mata ko ay biglang naglaho nang malaman kong pinopormahan din niya yung kaibigan ng bestfriend ko. Pinagsabay kami. Umikot ang mundo ko nun, mabilis na mabilis na para bang gusto ko nalang bumagsak. Iyak ako ng iyak sa kwarto at hindi ko na nagagawa ang homework ko. Ganito ba talaga ang pagibig? Wala bang happy ending?

Naging desperado ako after ng break-up namin ni Lester. Marami akong naging boyfriend. Mga apat. Yung isa tumagal ng 3 months, yung dalawa 1 month, at yung isa…3 days! Gusto kong maniwala na walang lasting sa love. Na ang love ay parang tsokolate na matamis sa una pero nakakaumay din kapag marami na at hindi mo mamamalayang na-digest mo na pala. Pero deep within me, alam kong mahahanap ko rin yun balang araw. Yun nga lang, ang puso ko’y parang naging band-aid na na ginamit ng mahigit tatlong beses. Sinubukang takpan ang mga sugat pero hindi ito inalis at pagkatapos sa isang sugat ay hindi na ito epektibo sa pagprotekta sa iba dahil nawala na rin ang dikit nito.

Pagkatapos nung apat kong boyfriend, matagal akong hindi nakipagrelasyon. Tinutukso ako ng mga kaibigan ko sa kolehiyo na tatanda raw akong dalaga. At nang napagusapan ang sensitive subject ng sex ay lalo akong napagtawanan dahil nalaman nilang virgin pa ako. Sinabi kong ipinangako ko sa sarili kong gusto kong kasal ang mauuna. “Hindi na uso yun! Kasal kasal e bakit kailangan mo pang maghintay kung pwede mo na namang ma-enjoy ngayon!” Ah basta. Hindi ko kailangan magpaliwanag. Final na ang decision ko kaya wala na silang masasabi na na makakapagpabago nun.

Naramdaman kong naging O.P. (out-of-place) ako pagkatapos nun. Hindi na ako sinasali sa usapang malalaswa. Dapat ba nagsinungaling ako at sinabi kong hindi na ako virgin? Na-down ako pero narealize kong hindi ko naman kailangan i-prove ang sarili ko sa mga tao. Bakit hindi nila matanggap kung sino ako?

Bihira na akong sumama sa mga lakad ng barkada. Madalis na mag-isa akong naglalakad sa campus o kumakain sa cafeteria. Hanggang sa nakilala ko si Kristina sa geography class ko. NBSB siya pero sa araw-araw na klase namin ay hindi halatang wala siyang boyfriend. Lagi nga siyang blooming na para bang marami ang kanyang manliligaw. Laging may ngiti sa mga mata niya. Nainggit ako sa kanya dahil ako, tingin ko’y laging kunot ang noo ko. O baka naging ganun na lang ang perception ko sa sarili.

Isang araw ay late ang geography professor namin at habang naghihintay, kung ano ano ang sinusulat ko sa likod na pahina ng notebook kong dati’y pink pero ngayo’y dark blue na. Pagkatapos kong iguhit ang letrang “g” ay bigla kong narinig ang boses ni Kristina, “Nasaan ang pag-ibig?”. Binasa niya ang tatlong salitang gumugulo sa isip ko. Nagningning ang mga mata niya at abot tenga ang ngiti niya na para bang inaabangan ang pagkapanalo sa lotto. Pagtatawanan ba niya ako gaya ng mga kaibigan ko?

“Julia! May klase ka ba mamayang 4pm? Sumama ka sakin! Ipapakilala ko sa’yo ang pag-ibig!” Tumigil ang orasan sa dingding ng classroom at hindi na ako nagdalawang isip pa. Abot-abot ang pagtango ko. Nagkaroon ako ng pag-asang mahahanap ko pa rin talaga ang pag-ibig na hindi temporary lamang.

Dinala ako ni Kristina sa isang malaking room kung saan marami ang nagtitipon. Sa labas pa lang ay rinig ko na ang paghampas sa drums at pagkalabit sa strings ng gitara. Siguro’y ang mga tao dito ay brokenhearted din at single kaya nagsasama-sama nalang, ang sabi ng isip ko.

Nakatungo kong sinundan si Kristina sa paghahanap ng upuan. Pasulyap sulyap akong tumitingin sa mga tao sa paligid. Marami sa kanila’y namumukhaan ko, silang mga masiyahin at proud na single. Inabsorb ko ang kantang tinutugtog sa oras na ‘yun. Pumikit ako at hinayaan kong dumaloy ang lyrics sa mga tainga ko.

Thank You for the cross
Without You I am lost
It is for Your cross I live today
Living for Your love
Lost but now I am found
It is for Your cross I live today...

Hindi ko maintindihan ang mga salita sa kanta. Pero nagpatuloy ako sa pakikinig dahil hindi ko mapigilang marelax. Parang pinupuno ang mga holes sa puso ko. Sa paglipas ng oras ay ipinakilala Siya sa akin. Siya pala yung mahal na mahal ako na matagal nang naghihintay sa akin! Yung kahit na anong gawin ko’y hindi ako lolokohin at iiwan. Yung hindi aalis at pupunta sa ibang lugar dahil pinoprotektahan niya ako saan man ako magpunta. Yung deskripsyon ng love na matagal ko ng hinahanap but I had searched for the wrong places. Yung tanggap ako kung sino ako at hindi himihingi ng demands. Yung kahit masaktan ko’y hindi naglilista ng mga pagkakamali ko. Yung love na panghabangbuhay. Hindi 3 months, hindi 3 days.

Nang tinanggap ko Siya ay nalaman kong dun lang ako magiging handa magmahal ng tao. Noon ay sa tao ako nakadepende kaya lagi akong disappointed. Hindi naman kasi mapupunhan ng tao ang emptiness ko dahil hindi gawa ang tao para makumpleto ang isa pang tao. “You complete me,” ang sabi ng maraming inlove. Pero hindi pala iyon totoo no? Hindi ka makukumpleto hangga’t hindi mo nakikilala at natatanggap yung pagmamahal nang nagbigay sa’yo ng heartbeat. Maraming ayaw maniwala sa akin, marami ang nagsabi na ang K.J. ko. Pero ang sinasabi nila’y parang hangin na dadaan at aalis din. Alam kong hindi ako nagkamali at hindi ako magsisisi.

Nang malaman kong may nagmamahal sa akin ng ganun kahigit, nag-iba ang perception ko sa love. Hindi pala ‘yun yung pagsulat ng pangalan ng crush mo sa kahit na anong papel na mahawakan mo. Hindi pala ‘yun yung mga salitang magpapakilig sa’yo na sasambitin ng lalaking gusto mo. At hindi pala yun yung parang electricity na dumadaloy sa dugo mo kapag nasilayan mo ang taong pinaniniwalaan mong soulmate mo na. It’s definitely more than that.

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Start the New Year (2012) with Full Armor!

2011. Laughters. Cries. Heartaches. Breakthroughs.

Myriads of words are popping out of my mind as I look back to the 365 days that passed. Beyond the thousands of changing emotions that filled my year, one thing has been constant: I am never alone. I have been walking in this journey of life with 2 pairs of footprints. My hand is being held by that gentle Hand that has been guiding me all along. Sometimes there’s a tendency for me to turn into a wrong path, but I am immediately rescued before I even step my foot on the ground. He never lets me go. He embraces me even if I pull back. He loves me the same—no matter what I do or how much I hurt Him.

I couldn’t believe that tons of great things actually came my way this 2011. Honestly, those great things have been overpowered by the complaints that came out of my mouth. I have this guilt in my heart now for not being contented with what I have. Throughout the year I would hear myself praying for more projects (mainly because of financial needs), wondering why my last big project was still way back 2010. I even asked God if I have done that many a sin for Him to not bless me with projects. But I misinterpreted Him. I have been blessed more than I could imagine! I just didn’t look at the bigger picture. There were the few commercials to be thankful for. And if I’d look back to my expenses for the whole year, it would be beyond my comprehension as to how my family and I survived. God provided all our needs, often times even our wants. There never came a point when we’d feel so poor and penniless. God always provided a way. And I am almost in tears now for I know I made Him sad by focusing on what I’ve lacked instead of the blessings that He has poured on me and my family.

My New Year’s Resolution would be more of a spiritual aspect. I want to focus on my relationship with God and my responsibility to share His gift to all the unbelievers. I want to invest on the unseen, eternal things rather than on temporary, material ones. I want to work on motivating myself to please only Him and not other people. I want to always choose not the ways of the world but His ways. I know it’s easier said than done but “for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. -Philippians 2:13.” I cannot do the change I want by myself. I need His help. And I am excited to witness how He will maneuver my life.

I thank God for all the hardships that I came across this year. I thank Him that His plans are greater than mine. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” -Isaiah 55:9. I thank Him that I wasn’t able to buy the shoes, bags and gadgets that I’ve been wanting to buy. I know He doesn’t want be to be materialistic and He’s teaching me to be patient. I thank Him for the problems that my family and I faced. I know we’ve become stronger and I learned how to love more despite of the situation.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” James 1:2-7

I am excited for more of God’s love this 2012! And yes, I am excited for a new set of challenge! I have high hopes for breakthroughs. And my hopes are even higher for my family and friends who are yet to enter into a royal relationship with my Creator.

I will keep on asking God, I will keep on believing for the seemingly impossible to happen and I will keep on dreaming. I have big dreams for my family. I know one day I would be able to bring them to places they have never been before, make them experience the things they haven’t come across, just like what I wanted this New Year’s Eve: to spend the night in a hotel and together we’ll watch fireworks and firecrackers as they paint the sky. But I know it can wait; I just have to be patient.

As we welcome another year of the Lord--2012, let’s wear our shields and swords in this BATTLEFIELD. There will be no victory if there’s no winning in a battle. And with every victory, there has to be a battle. If you’re wondering what weapons to use, here are they:

"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people." -Ephesians 6:14-18

AND

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. – 2 Corinthians 10: 4

Let’s get it on! Be on full armor! Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Countering Lies with the Truth (from the book Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss) Part 1

The Lie
1. GOD IS NOT REALLY GOOD

The Truth

God is good, and everything He does is good. Psalm 31:19; 34:8; 100:5; 106:1; 119:68; 136:1; Ephesians 1:3-14
God never makes mistakes. Isaiah 46:10; Romans 8:28-39

The Lie

2. GOD DOESN'T LOVE ME

The Truth

God's love for me is infinite and unconditional. John 15:13; Romans 5:8; 8:32, 38-39; Ephesians 3:14-19; 1 John 4:7-10
I don't have to perform to earn God's love or favor. Ephesians 1:4-6
God always has my best interests at heart. Psalm 21

The Lie

3. GOD IS JUST LIKE MY FATHER

The Truth

God is exactly what He has revealed Himself to be in His Word. John 1:1; Hebrews 1:3
God is infinitely more wise and loving than any earthly father could ever be. Hebrews 12:9-10

The Lie

4. GOD IS NOT REALLY ENOUGH

The Truth

God is enough. If I have Him, I have all I need. Psalm 23:1; 73:23-26; Colossians 2:9-10

The Lie

5. GOD'S WAYS ARE TOO RESTRICTIVE

The Truth

God's ways are best. Deuteronomy 6:24-25; Joshua 1:8
God's restrictions are always for my good. James 1:19-27
Resisting or rebelling against God's ways brings conflict and heartache. Psalm 68:6; Proverbs 15:32-33

The Lie

6. GOD SHOULD FIX MY PROBLEMS

The Truth

Life is hard. Romans 8:21-22
God is more concerned about glorifying Himself and changing me than about solving my problems. 2 Corinthians 4:17
God has an eternal purpose He is fulfilling in the midst of my problems. Romans 5:3-4; James 1:2-4
God wants to use my problems as part of His sanctifying process in my life. Job 23:10
No matter what problem I am facing, God's grace in sufficient for me. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

The Lie

7. I'M NOT WORTH ANYTHING

The Truth

My value is not determined by what others think of me or what I think of myself. My value is determined by how God views me. Psalm 139:1-18; Ephesians 1:3-8; 1 Peter 2:4
To God, my soul is worth more than the peace of the whole world. John 3:16; Romans 5:6-8
If I am a child of God, I am God's cherished possession and treasure. Romans 8:1-2, 13, 15-17; 1 Peter 2:9

The Lie

8. I NEED TO LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF

The Truth

By faith, I need to receive God's love for me. Galatians 2:20; Hebrews 11
I already love myself. I need to deny myself and let God love others through me. Matthew 16:24-26; John 15:12; Ephesians 5:29

The Lie

9. I CAN'T HELP THE WAY I AM

The Truth

If I am a child of God, I can choose to obey God. Romans 6:1-14; 8:1-2
I am responsible for my own choices. Deuteronomy 30:19; Joshua 24:15
I can be changed through the power of God's Spirit. Galatians 5:16; Philippians 2:13

The Lie

10. I HAVE MY RIGHTS

The Truth

Claiming rights will put me in bondage. Job 4:1, 4, 9; Psalm 37:1-11; Luke 6:46
Yielding rights will set me free. John 6:38; Hebrews 10:7

The Lie

11. PHYSICAL BEAUTY MATTERS MORE THAN INNER BEAUTY

The Truth

At best, physical beauty is temporal and fleeting. Proverbs 31:30
The beauty that matters most to God is that of my inner spirit and character. 1 Samuel 16:17; 1 Timothy 2:9; 1 Peter 3:3-5

The Lie

12. I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LIVE WITH UNFULFILLED LONGINGS

The Truth

I will always have unfulfilled longings this side of heaven. Romans 8:23, 25; Ephesians 3:11; Hebrews 11:13-16
The deepest longings of my heart cannot be filled by any created person or thing. Psalm 16:11; 73:25
If I will accept them, unfulfilled longings will increase my longing for God and for heaven. Deuteronomy 8:3; Psalm 34:8-10; Philippians 3:20- 4:1

_____

I am deeply awakened by these truths about God and myself. I didn't even notice that some of the these have already been distorted by the Enemy until I came across the book Lies Women Believe.

Sometimes it won't really be obvious that Satan is already planting seeds of doubts and lies in our hearts and souls. When that happens, we just have to focus on who God is and what our purpose in Him is. We can use God's promises and truths as weapon to fight against the Enemy. I hope you'll be blessed by the truths written above and I sincerely encourage you to read Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Gift Unwrapped!

I’ve been feeling down lately because of the fact that I still haven’t done Christmas shopping and it’s just 6 days before Christmas day. I remember I would be wrapping gifts by now and the tape holder would be running out of supplies of scotch tapes in the previous years. I feel disappointed that Christmas season seems to be just like a normal day. Then I remember what (or rather who) it’s really all about.

It’s not about me wanting to be like Santa Claus handing out gifts to everyone I know, not about whatever emotions I’m having in the midst of Christmas season and more importantly not about fulfilling a Christmas wishlist that is sparkling with material things. It’s about a Savior who stooped down, left His throne and was born on a bed of hay during a cool night to be able to reach for you and me.

Baby Jesus. That’s what would pop in my mind when I think of Christmas. But it’s more than that. Baby Jesus didn’t remain just a baby; He grew up, humbled Himself and obeyed His Father. He was rejected, hit and took as many lashes as you could count. And then He shed blood for you and me. I can imagine His pure and innocent blood flowing out like a still river and emptying out like drainage. And yes it was for you and me.

Christmas is about celebrating what He has done for us, His children. It’s a festivity! We can rejoice even though there are not enough gifts to give and not enough money to spend on lavish food.

I feel guilty for having been said that “I don’t feel as much blessed as I had the previous years.” I’ve been praying for big projects but God keeps on telling me to “Wait and be patient.” I came to a point that I compared myself with others who appear to be over-blessed in life but God immediately assured me with His promises! And I quickly stopped the enemy for planting doubts and deception in my mind.

I may not buy the expensive gifts that I want to give my family and friends, I may not even get the baking equipment that I have been praying for ages now but there has been an enormous Gift wrapped in pearls of gold that will neither rust nor destroyed presented for every human being in the corners of the earth. Sometimes I forget that the fact that I’ve had that Gift for a long time now makes me more blessed than I could think of. Some may have already accepted the Gift but many others are still blinded by other gifts overpowering that Genuine Gift. How about you? Perhaps you’re ignoring that Gift presented to you. You don’t have to spend or do something for it; you just have to willingly receive. And it’s been there in front of you waiting to be opened. Maybe it’s time to unwrap it!

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

—Romans 6:23

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

—Ephesians 2:8-9

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Overwhelmed :)

Forgive me for being as overwhelmed as I am now… I am just so happy that the article I contributed to Philippine Daily Inquirer is published! And I wanna share it with you! click here to view it online!

With all my information-loaded and perfomance-filled classes today, the text I received from a relative that she just read an article written by me in the said local paper made my day! I had no idea it was gonna be published because the article was supposed to be just a blog post when I took my spare time to write during typhoon Falcon's attack to Philippine islands. It was a random and an unplanned decision to actually submit it to youngblood.

But hey! God never fails to surprise me!

Writing means a lot to me..:’) Praise You Lord!

♥, C

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Of Dreams, Realizations and Treasures

I always find myself lost into the world of daydreams: I wonder what my first job would be when I graduate from college. I picture myself entering the corporate world, the busy schedule of the people who write and organize events of big companies, things like that. I dream big, so big that from time to time I talk to God asking for assurance that there’s nothing wrong with that.

When I look at my life right now, I can’t stop but dream. I dream of having a big room with walk-in closet, shoes piled up and organized, clothes hanged beautifully around. There’s another room inside my big room and I want to call it my “reading room”. An enormous shelf is conspicuous with its numerous books arranged in different genres. I’ve been at friends’ rooms that are almost similar to what I picture and all I mutter upon leaving those rooms is the word “someday” with an expectant smile.

I dream of driving my own car around the city, stopping over at a fancy restaurant and being able to buy the food I want to bring to my family as “pasalubong”. I want to buy my nephews and nieces the toys they want. I want to give mom the imported chocolates that are too expensive at the moment. I don’t know if that’s being selfish but I just find myself having these desires for things I haven’t experienced in my life that others my age have: not having to do all chores that a helper ought to do, not worrying about the things that parents should be the one worrying about, not restricting the self to spend on cravings just because I have to save for my tuition fee next semester. I don’t want to compare my life to others’ because I know full well that God has unique great plans for each one of us but from time to time I just wonder what if I have both my parents to support me— financially and emotionally--, what would my life be like?

I know there are millions of others in this world whose life's stories are far worse than mine. There are those who cannot even eat 3 meals a day, those who walk miles just to get to and fro school, those who shove plastic bottles and recyclable wastes in the garbage bags that rest on every corner of streets and those who have to grow up without the presence of a mother and a father. I appreciate all I have when I think of them and it gets me into this longing to be able to extend a hand to them especially when I already have a stable job and the means to provide.

As a matter of fact, all I have experienced and all I have now contribute to how strong I am and to what perspective I have. If I have not gone through the many complexities of life, would I have this deep and intense desire to establish this image of my “dream” family someday? Yes, as early as now I think of my future husband and kids. I want to be a great wife to my husband, becoming all I’m intended to be with God’s guidance and not letting separation come our way. I want to be the greatest mom in the world, providing my kids a life enveloped with the genuine love and affection of a family as a whole.

Don’t think I’m bitter for whatever I have now. No. Way no. I love my family despite of the questions I once asked God. They are my treasures. I’m rather thankful for everything I have because if it weren’t for the obstacles I faced, I wouldn’t be where I am now. Nothing can detach me from the principle that “everything has a purpose and happens for a reason”. Hence, I want to pursue excellence and chase success. With that thought planted in my mind, I am motivated to work hard and not settle for mediocrity.

Now as I write, I’ve come to this realization how a blessing it is to grow without a helper—I can wash clothes and dishes and cook (still learning and long way to go though) , to be given responsibilities earlier than usual—lots of friends come to me when it comes to decision-making and the like, to not getting the things I want easily—I’m tested with patience and I’m taught with prioritizing needs over wants. I really thank God for these life’s lessons!

When the time comes that I’m on the brink of prosperity and success, I want to always remind myself not to invest on temporary things but rather on treasures in heaven--where moth and rust do not destroy. I also do not want to forget how riding on jeepneys and walking when needed taught me to be patient and to always level myself equally with every human being, how the absence of a father ignited that spark of hope and assurance that my kids would grow up with a father’s presence and with the overflowing love of their mother and how all my dreams coming true traces its roots back to God who has been faithful in my life and who has looked at me with worth both when I am lacking and when I am achieving.

Friday, October 14, 2011

When the world has become too dangerous…

The world around me is turning into a monstrous place. Scary. Dark. Perilous.

When I watch the news at night, my heart breaks with all that’s happening nowadays. Violence is everywhere. Death lies on every corner of streets. Hold-ups, rapes, gunshots and other forms of atrocities are becoming too familiar that I am not as shocked anymore as I used to be. Talk about immunity. But when the day has ended and I’m about to drift off to sleep, I am bothered. Thoughts come flashing my mind, questions arise and when I am in sleep I am taunted in my dreams.

I myself have been deeply saddened and disturbed upon hearing the tragic news about the death of my co-student during my freshman year in UPLB, Given Grace Cebanico. I don’t know her personally but I’m sure to have seen her or passed by her a few times last year. The situation she had to face made me weep. Images began forming my imagination and I couldn’t sleep the night I heard the news. I thought of the people close to her, especially her family. All I can do is pray. I asked God the whys and I realized I have no right to question. I may not understand all that’s happening in the world but He does. And none of us can fathom His purposes for all that’s happened and will happen in the future.

I remember when I was in UPLB, I would always pray for safety whenever I’d go out. And when I transferred to Diliman, I thanked God that nothing happened to me during my 1-year stay in a dorm inside the campus of UPLB the previous year. Now I appreciate God’s guidance more but, to be honest, sometimes I still thought it unfair that while I’m safe, others aren’t. But then again, only God has the answers.

I’ve been paranoid this week that when I’d go out of the house and ride on a jeepney, I’d sense fear. I’d think that people around me are dangerous. I’ve become so bothered that something might happen to me any minute. I’d think of my friends who are at different places. I’d worry about my family and friends.

I asked God why the world is turning into a darker hue. Then I realized that this sinful world is not yet our home and so evil spirits wander around. Even though God has power over the enemies, unpleasant things still happen because the earth is not the place where pain and suffering do not exist. This is not our home. The place we can can call home is this:

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.

I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” And he also said, “It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega—the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life. All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children.

“But cowards, unbelievers, the corrupt, murderers, the immoral, those who practice witchcraft, idol worshipers, and all liars—their fate is in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”

Then one of the seven angels who held the seven bowls containing the seven last plagues came and said to me, “Come with me! I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb.”

So he took me in the Spirit to a great, high mountain, and he showed me the holy city, Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God. It shone with the glory of God and sparkled like a precious stone—like jasper as clear as crystal. The city wall was broad and high, with twelve gates guarded by twelve angels. And the names of the twelve tribes of Israel were written on the gates.There were three gates on each side—east, north, south, and west. The wall of the city had twelve foundation stones, and on them were written the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.

The angel who talked to me held in his hand a gold measuring stick to measure the city, its gates, and its wall. When he measured it, he found it was a square, as wide as it was long. In fact, its length and width and height were each 1,400 miles. Then he measured the walls and found them to be 216 feet thick (according to the human standard used by the angel).

The wall was made of jasper, and the city was pure gold, as clear as glass. The wall of the city was built on foundation stones inlaid with twelve precious stones: the first was jasper, the second sapphire, the third agate, the fourth emerald, the fifth onyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, the twelfth amethyst.

The twelve gates were made of pearls—each gate from a single pearl! And the main street was pure gold, as clear as glass.

I saw no temple in the city, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. And the city has no need of sun or moon, for the glory of God illuminates the city, and the Lamb is its light. The nations will walk in its light, and the kings of the world will enter the city in all their glory. Its gates will never be closed at the end of day because there is no night there. And all the nations will bring their glory and honor into the city. Nothing evilwill be allowed to enter, nor anyone who practices shameful idolatry and dishonesty—but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.- Revelation 21

I admit that many times I fear death. I would say to God, “Lord please don’t fetch me yet, I still want to see my kids and grandchildren live.” But to elude the fear of death that forms in me, I’d imagine this place God has been preparing and I’m in awe. I know it’s meant for His children and we’ll all be with Him forever there.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

Last night when I had my devotion and prayed hard, God provided me with Psalm 55:2 (NLT), “Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” I wept and laid down all my anxieties at His feet. I found His comfort and again I was reminded of who He is.

“For the Lord your God is the God of gods and Lord of lords. He is the great God, the mighty and awesome God, who shows no partiality and cannot be bribed. He ensures that orphans and widows receive justice. He shows love to the foreigners living among you and gives them food and clothing.” Deuteronomy 10:17-18

God is a God of love and justice. His promises are true. When He said in Deut. 31:6 that He will not abandon us, it is true. When He said in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has great plans for us, no doubt about that. Sometimes the situations right before our eyes seem to not align the promises He made but we just have to focus on who our God is and seek Him. We don’t need to always get answers and make sense of things, standing firm on our faith is what matters.

I encourage you all (and I’m saying this to myself as well) to seek comfort in God and be strong in faith no matter what situation you’re in. All of us have different worries, fears and problems but what we have in common is a Great Father and Comforter. When the world has become too dangerous for us, know that God is in control. When the world has turned into a monster, know that our God doesn’t and He remains after the day has gone and things on earth have passed!

I wanna share the song that just made me cry....

One thing I know that I have found
Through all the troubles that surround
You are the Rock that never fails, You never fail
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/n/new_life_worship/everlasting_god.html ]
One thing I know that I believe
Through every blessing I receive
You are the only One that stays, You always stay

Chorus
You never change, You're still the same
You are the Everlasting God
You will remain after the day is gone and the things of earth have passed
Everlasting God

Hope this inspires you!

♥, C

Saturday, September 24, 2011

3rd Golden Prism Awards Culmination Night

Yay! Our photo entry won the Golden Award! Congratulations to my photographer partner Roj! And to all models and photographers, you did a good job! Thanks to all who helped us with the votes---we won the People's Choice Award! Thanks to all the people behind this. And of course, thank you Lord for this blessing!

with my very supportive Babe!

I really can't believe we'd win! When the Top 3 were called and we're included, I was already in joy. Then the 3rd place was announced and when two of us were left, I felt my heart thudding! When the 2nd place was the model beside me, I think my heart did leap! haha I've been thanking God since! I only asked Him to let us be part of the top 3 and He gave me the best!

I want to share the prizes we got and here are they:

1. Analog Soul GCs worth 2500php and CASH :D

For winning People's Choice Award!

2. 10,000 worth of GC from John Robert Powers!

3. Goodies from Let's Face It

4. Canon DSLR 1000D for the photographer!

Yahooo!

♥, C

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Women’s Make-Up 400 Years Ago! (Elizabethan/Shakespearean Era)

Since I’ve been enjoying our group’s reports in theatre class about Elizabethan Theatre for the whole semester now, I am very much inspired with so many things I’ve learned that I cannot resist but write. Upon learning one piece of history just recently, my jaw literally dropped as though a deepest, darkest secret of a Hollywood star has just been exposed. And what’s just been placed in the spotlight is…..*drumroll*…..Make-Up!

400 years ago, trademarks of the ideal Elizabethan beauty were extremely pale skin contrasted by rosy cheeks, red lips and bright eyes. What’s shocking is that the ingredients they used as make-up on their faces were extremely poisonous to the skin!

To achieve a pure, pale white face, they used what was called ceruse. It was a mixture of white lead and vinegar. It was applied in a heavy layer and you can imagine how toxic it was! Flawless skin was a rarity since skin problems and pox increased. To make matters worse, sunscreens were unheard of and skin creams and ointments could only be of access to those who were well-off. Fyi, societal status was a big deal in Elizabethan Times. And oh, pale skin was a sign of nobility, wealth and delicacy that is why women would be willing die just to have the look!

To attain rosy cheeks and red lips, they used a certain kind of make-up that was made of mercuric sulfide (vermilion). It was also an ingredient in their facial treatments. We know that Mercury is just another toxic substance you can name!

I read in a beauty site that:

‘The first record of skin-whitener was found in 1519 in Horman's "Vulgaria puerorum", and by the time of Elizabeth's reign was well-established as an essential item for the fashionable woman. Naturally, spreading lead upon one's skin caused a variety of skin problems; some authors of the time warned against it, describing how it made the skin "grey and shrivelled", and suggesting other popular mixtures such a paste of alum and tin ash, sulpher, and a variety of foundations made using boiled egg white, talc, and other white materials as a base. Egg white, uncooked, could also be used to "glaze" the complexion, creating a smooth shell and helping to hide wrinkles.’

For the sparkling eyes they wanted to create, they outlined their eyes with black kohl and used drops of belladonna (deadly nightshade) to dilate their pupils. They did this for the very reason that a small, rosy mouth, a straight and narrow nose and wide-set bright eyes were the standard of beauty.

It cannot be denied that even hundreds of years ago, women already had the passion for beauty and perfection. Imagine how they were willing to pay the price of being poisoned just to look beautiful! Some theatre actors at the time even died of lead poisoning.

I think it’s a great advantage for women in contemporary age that today’s make-up is really improved compared to that of Elizabethan era. We can achieve the look we want to create using safe modern cosmetics. Still, we must limit the use of these make-ups. I’ve just realized that a woman can be as beautiful without make-up on!